The Proverbs 31 Husband
Biblical Interpretation of a Husband's Duties.
Through the power of social media and the creative mind, my wife introduced me to a satire clip of being the perfect “Proverbs 31 husband.” I’ve made it known that I believe that Proverbs 31 is not expectations to be placed on women/wives but rather is a statement of pursuing wisdom. Eventually, I’ll write about this thesis. At the very least, many have agreed that in order to be a perfect wife, she must be filled with wisdom.[1] But if we take it from its historical-literal interpretation, the perfect wife of Proverbs 31 would have expectations from the husband as well. Though he is not the “subject” of this chapter, it appears, beginning with verse 11, that there are expectations of him still. Note, I ignore the prior 10 verses as that is its own exegetical endeavor.
Beginning with verse 11, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack in gain” (Prov 31:11, LSB). Heart could also be interpreted as “the mind,” but the literal is the heart, and this distinction indicates that it is not about affection but rather confidence. Therefore, we may translate it as, “The husband has full confidence in her.” The trust is not an arbitrary trust, but one that acknowledges her abilities and skills. Her prudence and skill sets[2] that are not only for now, but for future gain. In ways, it asks for patience of the husband to not act and take control, but to relax and recognize that his helper is a capable person as well.
Why? So that he will not lack, or more appropriately, be spoiled. He will gain or acquire. It is a militaristic term that indicates the outcome without having to be in war.[3] The husband is to have trust or confidence in the woman, so that he only builds up treasures. As I said before, it will be her planning of the future and skills that will bring about great treasures to not just him, but to their household. This need for patience on the husband’s part is apparent when we look at the following verses that deal with the expectations of this perfect wife. They aren’t immediate results actions. They are planting, spinning, milling, bringing things from afar, and negotiating. While we would categorize many of these under “Trad Wife,” other qualities of this wife extend beyond the home and have a quality of working outside the home for the benefit of the home. The language here states that none of the success brought into the house comes from him, but rather, from her.[4]
The husband does not come back until verse 23, “Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits with the elders of the land (Prov 31:23). The text here can make two statements. First, the husband is known because of the industriousness of his wife. I believe this is the most prominent position taken because it retains the true subject of the wife and then serves as an example of how he gains without having to do anything. It alludes that because his household is well-ordered, he must be worthy and distinguished within the civil court order.[5] The gates of the city, often being the physical place where discussion of governance and rule would occur, amongst other activities. Thus, to be known in the gates is to view the husband’s position within the civil order.
The other position that we may view is that a husband is able to deal with societal and economic matters, for the sake of the city, because he does not need to worry about his household. Therefore, it is not because of her efforts that he is well-known, but rather, he is well-known because of his own efforts, and these are efforts that he is able to pursue because she has everything else in order. I believe this is a preferred interpretation of the “Trad Wife” position, but it still points to a responsibility of the husband or man to be in pursuit of something greater. If his wife must be extraordinary for praise, so shall he. Both of these positions fall well within the Biblical models, and both have plausibility for interpretation.
After more works, we get back to more duties of the husband. “Her children rise up and bless her; As for her husband, he also praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done excellently, But you have gone above them all” (Prov 31:28-29). I think it is important to note that the specific praise is mentioned because it reflects a husband’s sole desire for a single woman. It’s two-fold. One, men who have wandering eyes violate their own marriage covenant because only their wife should be praised. And two, in the world of comparison, a husband may recognize the accomplishments of others, but not to encourage his wife to do better, but to state how she exceeds them. I think, too often, we live in a world that tries to “encourage” others by showing how they “lack” comparatively. Instead, the praise looks to the specific nature of their family and sees how she has progressed the household.
The duty of the husband is not to seek public recognition for his wife but to recognize that she seeks recognition from her immediate circle, her family. Though all praise her, it is the husband who speaks these affirmations as her primary encourager. He is the one who recognizes her value and elevates her despite any societal implications. And I make this one explicit. In the ancient world, women were devalued in society, and much of modern culture attempts to propagate this narrative still. But the fabric of society, which is marital relations and the upbringing of a family unit, is dependent on the women. This is because rules within a family unit are better made by women while discipline is better enacted by men, according to Proverbs (Prov 1:8, 4:1, 6:20).
And lastly, though it is not explicit, it belongs to the husband. “Give to her from the fruit of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates” (Prov 31:31). I enjoy how Crawford Toy puts it, “The author’s point of view: what he values in a wife is domestic efficiency. He need not be understood as despising beauty—he says only that it is transitory, while intelligence is a lasting source of domestic happiness.”[6] The value of the wife is both tangible and intangible. Tangible in what she produces. Intangible in how she produces it. Let her enjoy the fruits of her hands is a continuation of praise, but this time, one that may extend beyond the household. Let the man make it known publicly that she is rightfully deserving of the success that is attributed to their household. Do not be vain, men, or greedy to take all the credit. If anyone is to praise a woman, it is the husband.
Therefore, in summary, Proverbs 31 puts expectations on the husband that counter his general nature. He is to humble himself, recognizing that the strength of his family may be because of his diligence to provide, but also because of the structuring and nurturing done by his wife. He humbles himself to lower himself in society by elevating his wife to either take his place at the gates, or at least, present her as an equal. He isn’t domineering, controlling, micromanaging, or even managing. He is trusting and respectful of her, both as a person and as his wife, to accomplish a task that he either cannot do or does not have the opportunity to do. Thus, Proverbs 31 truly shows that wisdom is not solely contained within men but is enacted by women, though often behind the scenes. It is the man’s duty to make his appreciation of his wife known and then to make his praise public.
Semper Reformanda.
[1] Douglas Mangum, ed., Lexham Context Commentary: Old Testament, Lexham Context Commentary (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2020), Pr 31:10–31.
[2] Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset, and David Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible, vol. 1 (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997), 402.
[3] Crawford Howell Toy, A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Book of Proverbs, International Critical Commentary (New York: C. Scribner’s Sons, 1899), 543.
[4] William David Reyburn and Euan McG. Fry, A Handbook on Proverbs, UBS Handbook Series (New York: United Bible Societies, 2000), 654.
[5] Crawford Howell Toy, A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Book of Proverbs, International Critical Commentary (New York: C. Scribner’s Sons, 1899), 546–547.
[6] Crawford Howell Toy, A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Book of Proverbs, International Critical Commentary (New York: C. Scribner’s Sons, 1899), 548.
Great work on this Nate.